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Erasing the Stigma: Suicide Victim's Family Offers Support to Others
June 24, 2007
By Teri Maddox
News-Democrat
It's been nearly two years since Tom and Fran Smith started working with families touched by suicide or mental illness, and they're still amazed at the feelings of helplessness and isolation.
Many people don't know where to turn for help. Others are too embarrassed to talk about it.
"People in the support groups will say, `I never realized so many people were going through the exact same thing as we were,'" said Fran, 66, of Shiloh, retired principal at Queen of Peace Catholic School in Belleville.
The Smiths know the feeling. Their 26-year-old daughter, Karla, shot herself in 2003 after being diagnosed as bipolar or manic depressive.
Tom and Fran later joined with Karla's twin brother, Kevin, 30, a business consultant in St. Louis, to create the Karla Smith Foundation, a non-profit organization.
The Smiths lead support groups, fund counseling services and sponsor educational programs for families and friends of people who have committed suicide or have struggled with mental illness.
One of their main goals is to "erase the stigma" and get people talking about these issues.
"There are so many people who are impacted by mental-health problems," said Tom, 66, retired director of pastoral services with the Catholic Diocese of Belleville. "There are over 30,000 suicides a year (in the United States)."
Bipolar disorder is one of the most common mental illnesses. It's characterized by periods of deep depression and high anxiety.
The Karla Smith Foundation will hold its first fundraiser on Saturday. It's a dinner-auction at the National Shrine of Our Lady of the Snows in Belleville. Former St. Louis TV news reporter Steve Jankowski will speak. Tickets cost $35 per person.
Family and friends knew Karla Smith as an intelligent, attractive and outgoing girl who enjoyed writing. But something changed her sophomore year at Oklahoma State University in Stillwater. She lost her energy and complained of not being able to write a book report.
"Within two months, she had dropped a couple classes," Tom recalled in 2004. "She received incompletes in a couple more, and she ended up coming home without finishing the semester. She was very clearly in a deep depression."
A psychiatrist prescribed anti-depressants, kicking off a seven-year period of ups and downs with accompanying adjustments in medication.
Karla attempted suicide several times and stayed in a mental hospital briefly. On Jan. 13, 2003, she shot herself with a friend's 22-caliber rifle. The bullet went through her heart.
Tom has self-published a book, "The Tattered Tapestry: A Family's Search for Peace with Bipolar Disorder." Some of it was adapted from a journal he kept in the months after Karla's death.
"I wanted to try to capture, if you will, the raw feelings of the immediate aftermath," said Tom, who has written four other books on religious topics.
"Tapestry" also includes Karla's own writings about her illness and a daily log Kevin kept for three months during one of her most psychotic phases.
The Smiths maintain two Web sites. The one at www.inmemoryofkarlasmith.com is more personal. People can read about Karla and light a symbolic candle.
"I think the last time I looked, we had over 12,000 hits," Tom said. "And over 14,000 candles had been lit. It's kind of consoling to see people from all over the world lighting candles in memory of Karla."
The second Web site is at www.karlasmithfoundation.org. That's where people can get information about the foundation's mission, support groups, counseling services and educational programs.
Support groups meet from 7 to 8:30 p.m. Thursdays at Mount Carmel Cemetery's Peace Chapel, 10101 W. Main St. in Belleville. They focus on mental illness the first and third Thursdays of each month and suicide the second and fourth.
Discussions are combined with information from Tom's manual, "A Balanced Life: Nine Strategies for Coping with the Mental Illness of a Loved One."
"We like to think of (support-group activities) as not only sharing problems, but also finding solutions," Fran said.
The foundation has made agreements with two local agencies to provide counseling services to support-group members who need them for a fee much smaller than normal. For more information, call 628-3129.
An interesting aside to the Smith story is Kevin's recent marriage to Emily Sherbert. Karla and Emily were childhood friends when their families lived near Tulsa, Okla.
Emily got reconnected with the Smiths in 2003 after hearing about Karla's suicide and driving from her home in Kansas City, Mo., for the wake.
"(The marriage) is wonderful because of Emily's relationship with Karla," Fran said. "She has an understanding of Kevin's grief."
(Article reprinted courtesy of Belleville News-Democrat. Visit www.bnd.com for more news.) |
