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Family Uses Grief to Help Others: Late Daughter Suffered from Bipolar Disorder
December 19, 2005
By Jennifer A. Bowen
Belleville News-Democrat
The family could have buried the memory of a vibrant, loving daughter and sister nearly three years ago.
After all, people usually don't talk about suicide or mental illness, especially when the discussion involves a family member.
Instead, Tom and Fran Smith of Shiloh, and their son, Kevin Smith of St. Louis, have used their grief and their experience with bipolar disorder to try to help other people in similar situations.
Their daughter and Kevin's twin sister, Karla Smith, shot herself through the heart with a .22-caliber rifle on Jan. 13, 2003, during an episode of deep depression. She was 26.
In November, the newly developed, nonprofit Karla Smith Foundation began to sponsor support meetings in Belleville. The meetings are designed to help families cope with mental illness and suicide. The Smiths are sharing what they learned from living for seven years with Karla's manic episodes and deep depressions, and hope to help people realize they aren't alone when dealing with a family member's mental illness.
"Karla's biggest mission in life was to educate people about what it was to be bipolar," Kevin, 29, said. "When we went through it, I had no one else to talk to. I knew no one else who was bipolar or knew anyone who knew someone who was bipolar. I didn't know anyone else was going through what I was going through."
More than 2 million people in the United States have been diagnosed as being bipolar. Bipolar disorder is the most common psychotic disorder, and experts believe that it occurs in 1 percent of Americans age 18 or older, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.
Bipolar disorder is characterized by mood swings far more dramatic than usual ups or downs. An individual experiences episodes of mania -- feeling "high" and energetic -- and periods of sadness and hopelessness, sometimes feeling normal in between. Drastic changes in behavior accompany the mood changes.
"There was really no support for us out there after (Karla's) death," Tom, 65, said. "We believe that by telling our story we will be able to help other people tell their story and lower the stigma associated with mental illness and with suicide. It's a stigma that keeps people from getting help, and we want to educate people and get away from that stigma."
Once Karla was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, finding mental health professionals or hospitals wasn't difficult.
"We learned there was plenty of help for the mentally ill person, but there was no help for the family members who are dealing with it," Fran, 64, said. "I've talked to parents who have come to the meetings, and you can feel their frustration. I really think parents appreciate the opportunity to talk to other parents who have been through this; they know they aren't alone."
Having support during Karla's extreme mood swings would have helped them cope.
"It was confusing," Tom said. "It was frustrating. There was an overriding feeling of powerlessness. This beautiful, charming, outgoing daughter of ours who we couldn't contact."
"Who we couldn't help," Fran added.
The family collaborated to write a book about their experience with Karla's bipolar disorder and how it affected them. "The Tattered Tapestry: A Family's Search for Peace with Bipolar Disorder," includes some of Karla's journal writings during her illness.
"We don't have all the answers and we don't claim to have a cure," Kevin said. "We just want to provide a safe place for people to openly share with each other. We want to offer the support we did not have when Karla went through it."
The foundation aims to help families find balance in their lives while living with or dealing with a mental illness.
"The word hope is truly a message I hope to bring with the foundation," Kevin said. "There is no cure for a mental illness, but there is hope for stability. My hope is the foundation carries her life the way she wanted. She wanted to educate people about this illness, and that's what we're doing."
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