August 22, 2008
2nd annual Erase the Stigma Conference at the Shrine of Our Lady of the Snows. For more information or to register for the conference please email: ksf@karlasmithfoundation.org
The Karla Smith Foundation believes that loving someone with a mental disorder creates an imbalance in
the lives of everyone involved.
We further believe that the following nine strategies offer hope for a balanced life for the family and
friends of someone with a mental disorder.
Help our loved one find and continue to take the medication needed for a balanced life.
It is essential that a person with a mental disorder takes proper medication in order to live a balanced
life. Family and friends of this person need to know what the medication is, the effects it has, and
the doctor who prescribes it. If for some reason the medication is no longer effective, the person
quits taking the medication, or the side effects become unmanageable, it is the family and friends who
often need to intervene and help guide the person back to the medication needed for a balanced life.
Urge our loved one to maintain a supportive relationship with a therapist, counselor, or sponsor.
Along with medication, some form of “talk therapy” is critical for someone with a mental disorder.
Family and friends can be invaluable in supporting this need for counseling and in assisting their loved
one find a therapist, counselor, or sponsor who truly helps the loved one cope with the mental illness.
Most often, it is also valuable for the family and friends to seek some form of talk therapy themselves.
Learn as much as we can about the mental disorder of our loved one.
The more we know about the specific mental illness of our loved ones, the more we can understand their
behavior, thoughts, and feelings. This knowledge is the doorway through which we can relate to our
loved ones with compassion and practical help.
Assist our loved one in developing a healthy self-esteem since it is critical for a balanced
emotional life.
Many people with a mental disorder suffer from a damaged self-esteem. Their self-esteem is often either
too low or too high. Family and friends are in a position to observe the level of self-esteem in a
mentally ill loved one and to respond appropriately. This ability to observe and respond appropriately
implies that the family and friends acquire the skills needed to make these observations and responses.
Accept mental disorder as a fact of life for our loved one even though this mental disorder does not encompass all of life.
A mental disorder can become the exclusive focus of the life of a mentally ill person and for the family
and friends of this person. There are two stages to this strategy: 1) to accept the fact of the mental
disorder – often a difficult challenge for both the mentally ill and for family and friends; 2) once
this fact is acknowledged, it is equally crucial to accept that the disorder does not encompass all of
life, that there are also other parts of life that deserve attention and focus.
Take care of ourselves by proper exercise, sleep, diet, relationships, and by monitoring our
feelings.
Often a mentally ill person requires special attention from family and friends. This extra attention
can be time consuming, intellectually challenging, and emotionally draining. It is vital that the
family and friends take care of their own needs for exercise, sleep, and proper diet. They must also
devote time and energy to other relationships in their life, and to identify and express their honest
feelings about their mentally ill loved one.
Become a supportive network of family and/or friends who know about the mental disorder and
who commit to acting in the best interest of our loved one as far as we are able.
It is most helpful for family and friends to form a network of support among themselves as well as with
their mentally ill loved one. A shared knowledge of the illness and a shared responsibility for the
loved one offers the best opportunity for a balanced life for everyone. This network will therefore
require commitment to the loved one and to each other, including a commitment to resolving conflicts
when they arise. To expand this network, family and friends can consider joining a national organization
like the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) or the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
(DBSA).
Identify the early warning signs that precede a more difficult phase of the mental disorder
and help our loved one when these signs emerge.
One of the most important roles of the network of family and friends is to monitor and identify early
warning signs of a change in the thinking or behavior of their loved one. Often a change in medication
or the effectiveness of a medication, a stressful situation in life, a change in a relationship, etc.
will trigger the onslaught of a more difficult stage of the mental illness. The quicker family and
friends identify this change, the quicker they can gently intervene and help return their loved one to
a more balanced life once again.
Acknowledge our dependence on a Higher Power and seek guidance from that Higher Power in
whatever way that is comfortable to us.
Most people in our society acknowledge a belief in a Higher Power, whom many identify as God. Mental
illness is baffling, to say the least, and utterly destructive, to say the most. In coping with the
mental illness of a loved one, many family and friends know that our efforts, support, and effectiveness
are limited. We recognize that at some point we are powerless over the illness and over our loved one.
Incorporating our belief in a Higher Power, however we understand that belief, offers another dimension
to our coping with the mental disorder of a loved one.
